#which is just weird idk i thought it was recent but maybe i just hadnt thought that much about it in a long time

[soupblr]

.

[melonteee]

hi. i just understood something about recent op chapter and came straight to you because youre an avid fan and you are surely the one that can rant about it and either . confirm or deny it

anyway 1110 chapter spoilers ahead tab out if you had yet to read

so. i got pointed out that sanjis behaviour in the chapter is strangely out of character . i hadnt caught it on my first read but going back to the manga i have to actually agree with that observation bcz of his choice of words and face

i also noticed that the panel ?? is??? weirdly focused on sanjis expression like REALLY focused (subtle action lines and all) and that the expression in question is genuine anger. like full stop annoyance. like maybe stress is getting to him or something but its not a funny angry face but instead full seriousness and full offense and full 'i mean my every word' way. it just feels . not like sanji all of the sudden

its also feels strange that zoro hadnt reacted to that remark. he kinda just.... notes it down (he twitches which clues us that he heard that) but says nothing further. which is Weird because thats an Insult and from sanji no less so absolute zero on it ???? not right

idk maybe me and my dash is being delusional. i hope its some sort of false alarm but everyone keeps pointing out that sanji feels more like he tries to cosplay himself instead of Being himself and im getting kinda worried ngl,,,,

Interesting you say this because, fun fact! Japanese fans have noticed Sanji's speech has indeed changed lately, and it's a bit lost in translation since it's kind of hard to copy speech patterns from an original language over into English. Either way, Japanese fans have noticed Sanji is starting to speak like...Boa?!

Ie, Sanji is speaking more royally, more obnoxiously, and more arrogantly. Now, Sanji's always been a firecracker with a sharp tongue, but not in the way that he looks down on and demands things from people? During Egghead, he told Shaka to release them from their shoe locks - but a Japanese fan said a better translation of that would probably have been Sanji calling Shaka an 'insolent man', or a 'foolish man', in the same way Boa speaks to people.

There's clearly something going on here, and I thought the same thing! But...people kept saying I was looking too much into it, so I stopped saying anything HAHA! Either way, the second I talked to my Japanese friends and saw tweets from the Japanese side of twitter discussing Sanji's change in speech, I thought...I knew it! There's definitely a difference here! I have no idea what's going to happen, but I cannot wait to see it!

[twewy-comix]

the big one-oh - let’s watch twewy

only two more after this!!!

LAST TIME: EVERYTHING SUCKS

“neku wake up! you fucked up big time” “beat”

they decide to go check out where they can get with their keypin. also a dude walks through neku and he hears his twitter feed

it’s indeed become homogenous - once known for being full of all sorts of individuals with their own viewpoints, it has been reduced to a wasteland of people shuffling about like zombies. not a single unique thought to be found. the same phrases, repeating endlessly, mindlessly...

...and that’s just what twitter was like BEFORE the replies meme amirite (canned laughter) (wild applause)

「えっ、ハネコマってハネコマ？」kawaii

and if there’s one person we can always trust, it’s joshua

anyway they continue their search for konishi

love this cat

thot detected

murder!

thot detected

after doing some murder and awkwardly-timed feelings jams, neku and beat find a wall that’s all fucky. i wonder who could possibly have done this

kawaii

they go through to udagawa, where the air is thick with space cat powder. the source seems to be the weird sigil sho drew, so neku tries taking pictures of the past to figure out wtf happened. he doesnt explain how it works to beat because “there’s no time,” which im sure won’t bite him in the ass later

(happy birthday tsudaken)

oh hey it’s our pals kariya and uzuki im sure they know what happened here

jk it’s a boss fight

the anime’s weirdly inconsistent about when it shows blood or not, huh

beat manages to knock uzuki’s red skull pin off, which im not sure was a thing in the game?

they realize they can reverse the brainwashing this way and remove kariya’s pin too, thus avoiding any senseless murder

honestly i didnt rly like how this scene was the last we see uzuki and kariya in the game*, so if the anime is changing that im fine with it. Let Them Live

(i mean theyre in neo twewy so we know they live) (but i thought they were double-dead for nine years, dammit)

*(but the last time i talked about that ppl got mad at me lmao)

haha... sure u are ;)

THE WHOLE BUILDING’S FUCKED UP (AND NOBODY NOTICED???)

oh ok. in the game beat just grabs the camera and uses up all the photos and they find something useful by pure luck lol

oh shit they found his catnip stash

hey havent we seen that design on an evil sky laser recently

yeah from an evil sky laser

oh. that too

anyway there’s a gold key pin in the envelope and a letter that says “try not to get killed by konishi”

wasnt he trying to help joshua get into the river? yet he had this keypin all along?? what gives??? you have to watch the secret reports OVA to find out

oh no

yeah and the weird art installation’s in the way too

male gaze

OH COME ON THEYRE DOING THIS ON PURPOSE 

nope, nothing to see here, move along

murder accusation #2...

...ignored

(he doesn’t say megs/megu-chan here. fascinating)

OH. UH. OKAY

some context: here’s the game’s version of this scene:

nine years ago i drew this comic based on that scene (which i re-uploaded earlier today):

but i hadnt read the secret reports yet back then, and on my second or third playthrough i thought “oh maybe he actually meant hanekoma here”

also earlier today i was musing on that and thinking “nah, probably not, but given how the anime framed his resurrection it’d be really funny if he was” because hanekoma was RIGHT BEHIND HIM

but here we are. he really was looking for hanekoma, who was right behind him. that answers that!!!

but i guess the question here is: is hanekoma the composer? or rather, does sho think hanekoma is the composer?

(i know the answer ofc. probably.)

anyway yeah it’s funny. and also way funnier after i said “nah probably not, he couldnt POSSIBLY be THAT much of a dumbass”

no, dude, you cant tap him on the screen or he’ll just teleport all over the goddamn place. you gotta aim your shots through him, like the guy you really wanna hit is standing behind this asshole

unfortunately not everyone can be a super awesome gamer like me so they get their asses kicked. and--wait what

day six....? in the game they were on the last day, right? what do they need an extra day for?? and by they i mean the writers

bunp

NEXT TIME: THE END EXCEPT NOT BECAUSE THERE’S TWO EPISODES LEFT BUT IT LOOKS LIKE THEYRE GONNA DO ALMOST EVERYTHING IN THE NEXT ONE AND IDK HOW THEYLL HAVE ENOUGH TO FILL THE LAST

[subarashiet]

lifes been weird and sad , got so much stuff i wanna say dont even know if thats the right subred to but here goes.i m 18 , from Greece , first year in Uni and life is not the way i want it to bei live on my own , rent is being paid by mom and her husband , month pocket money given by dad and by my part time jobat some point in high school i understood that our school years were our most carefree years , tho only now do i really understand itman this post is gonna cramp my fingers shouldve used the pcused to hang out a lot till 2nd year of high school then in 3rd year cause of me studying more i was hanging out less , used to have around 4groups of ppl to hang around then only one , cliche but i wasnt anyone special in school , gotta mention i went to a music middle-high school , only highlights i remember are in 2th-3rd grade trading blows with a girl (think she was 5th grade) ,3rd grade kissing a girl in her cheek then running away from the boy-horde coming after me , 4th grade trading blows with a 6th grader ,6th grade punching a guy for calling names my little sis (we good now see him out we talk he a nice dud) , 9th grade a girl i had a chance with but fucked it up big time , 9th grade breaking a cello almost getting expelled ,12th grade playing bass at a concert in Thessaloniki with a music group of my schooldidnt really have many close friends but there were some from school and other places you can call closer friends , but now even with them i ve started to fade away which i cannot bear but i m the type of giving up and not trying until i m lategot laboratory this morning and this is gonna take a while hope i can get some sleepfeels weird using reddit to express my thoughts i even find it a bit cringy talking to myself but oh welli wanted to visit a physiatrist because i ve been so mentally tired that i think i might have crippling sadness xD but i tried to arrange that back in July-August pre my 18th bday so she said a parent was required to be present so i just kept all the stuff to myselfi was learning classic guitar from 1st grade to 8th still play to this day , in music school i kinda learned h2p electric but didnt practice enough to be able to play good , also know some pianobeen listening to post rock and mostly fate music these past 10 monthssucker for good anime tho i ve been out of it lately havent even finished my summer ones , oregairu has a nice ending from what i got spoiled fromanyway thing is i am sad most of the time , i try not to show it cause i like the stereotype of being the strong guy that everyone can depend on and almost never see being emotional and also like the cool tempered guy type , tho lately i ve been craving a lot of attention that i drop the act of the calm n cool sometimesthings with my parents didnt go to well these past years , only now i can say that we ve finally kinda calmed down , mom and dad started falling out of it around 8th grade cause lots of fighting , big sis kindof took the role of mother while on her teen years , feels like she had it much worse than me10th grade sis leaves home to go elsewhere to start studies for uni , i m left with ma and lil sis back homethen i understand that i have to be there for my little sis which also got in my school that year (3kids-3years difference each) so i tried to assume the role of the big brother but she was closer to her older sister than me , i was closer to my older sister as well , feels like i was doing my lil sis wrong but i cpould relate more to big sis and could chat with her more about stufflil sis didnt open up to me a lot even to this day , she has been a lot more comfortable with me through the years i think cause she told me something important recently , kinda feelsbadman tho cause i wanted to be closer to her and i kinda tried but i think not hard enough cause she didnt seem to get any closer , cried once about it in front of my mother which was the absoluteliest worst cause i didnt want her to see me being fragile jesustho even now that i m not home i talk to her play some among us tried making her start xenoverse 2 that didnt go farhave some friends from school , we would only go all together at internet cafes , but mostly 4 of em would go out togetherin my school i had some friends from scouts tooi have an insta , used to post "cool" pics kinda stopped cause i like looking cool in front of others but i havent been in the mood to try in around a year nowused to be in some conservatory guitar groups with some other kids there , with one girl from there i used to be quite in touch until recently that i stopped seeing her for some reasons maybe i ll explain l8rwe had fun and i really mean it , we used to go on trips to play songs on different cities and stages , our group became kinda known the 2-3 good active years we were active , it still is but these years were the originals , now there are other peoplefucking christ its 2:27started playing in that group with the originals in 2017 till 2019 , we were kids from different ages going from 6th to 10th graders but i didnt understand the different in our ages until recently that i found one of the guys from the group in my cityanother closer friend is a guy from my school , met him in grade 7 still talk to him , used to sit together most of the years pretty neat guy , peculiar character but really interesting kind smart and hard workingman why couldnt my teen years be like shirou from fsn that would be awesomehad entrance exams 4-5 months ago , didnt really go as planned , shooted for Corfu didnt get in cause rather than 15 i got 10 in my last exam so i m still in my city , tho i live alone and go to my local uni insteadJuly 2019 i moved out of my old house moved in with ma and her husband with my sis , stayed there till september then till june-july 2020 i was living with my fathertbh i decided to write this post after watching a vid of Korone talking about Okayu thinking that i ve never been in an actual relationship and that i eould want to experience that but dont know where to start from , losing weight ? becoming outgoing again ? learn how to talk to girls ?i started watching anime back in 2015 on my 3ds i remember watching dubbed Inazuma Elevensince like 2 weeks ago i reached 201 anime completedok i ll stop here for tonight cause i got online uni classes tmrw i keep stimestamps for whenever i finally post this -Tuesday 3/11/2020 02:41used to be around 85-90kg in 12th grade , put on around 20-28 kilos since March 2020 , managed to lose 8-10 kilos in the summer but i m still around 30kilos up from the normal amount based on my height , got a subscription to a gym jan2019 but only managed to get into it for a short period on spring 2019 then autumn 2019 then lost motivation and let go , since March2020 i ve been doing some weights at home , tho when i look at myself in the mirror it doesnt really change how bad i feel about my body , i think my old motivation used to be a girl i used to have a crush on but not surethings with my parents werent all that great and i was mentally better when i would talk with them , they are openminded af and supportive too but puberty makes you see stuff differently like everyone is against you like the world is against you (last one might be true dunno yet) , living on my own now seems to be a bit better but as our Greek ancestors used to say theres no good without bad and the bad in this scenario is that its lonely as fuck , having lived for 18 years with my family it really hits a weird spot , everything feels lonelier now with the virus spreading around not being able to see others as much as we used to , uni doesnt feel nice , many people dont pay attention and its like the second half of 12th grade all over againgot my monthly money 4days ago , went from 200 to 9.28 quickly , when i have money i spend when i dont i m stingy , mostly like to build computers , watch lots of Linus , Paul , Kyle , Jay etc. most of my money goes to buying stuff about computers food , used to give lots of money to internet cafes when i used to hang out with the guys from school , not anymorewith the start of uni we all met new friends even i but i still feel like i am drifting apart day by day , stopped talking to my old girl friend cause i was kinda done with her attitude , called me some names i didnt appreciate because i put up with her attitude , most of the time in her own world , only would really pay attention and try to change herself when it was something she cared about , one of them wasnt her character , but to give the goods of her she was a good friend dont know if i can say she still is a friend or just someone i know , she helped me even with the girl i had a crush on , was really fun on trips with the guitar group , all in all a fun person , thing is i stopped texting her and telling her to go out cause it was 80% me trying and the other 20% her and i think that proved right when i stopped talking to her cause i thought she will see that i m not talking to her she ll think somethings wrong she ll message me to go out and have fun , send me a happy bday message posted some pics of me , didnt send me anything else after , stopped talking to her around the start of October , if i hadnt asked her something about her uni and if it wasnt my bday i dont think we wouldve talked in all of october . last saturday i was working in the area she lives in my city decided to call her sometimes didnt answer tried to suprise her and see how she is by going to her house , noone answered maybe they were on a trip idk , but it feels weird man , in the first half of the year me and a common friend of her and me went out one night , ended up being the bad guy to make her understand that she did something wrong that night , after she left i was left with our common friend talked about stuff and mostly her and i expressed myself , i knew that coming summer me and her would end up at different places so i wanted to tell her all the wrongs with her so that she could finally understand what i ve been putting up against and make her understand that she HAS to pay attention to people around her and that she will meet new people and that she ll have to be careful about her character , used to have a bit of crush on her back in 7th grade , can kinda understand why that went . On the other hand i didnt want to part ways with her with our last words being me ranting , one thing brought the other and she wont be going to her uni's city until early 2021 so i managed to go out with her some more in the summer and september . kinda feels bad to see that almost noone remembered my bday cause i remember in cram school when someone had their bday they would get a fucking cake , dont mistake me i got one , from my ma my two sisters and my moms husband , thing is i wanted to have something happen with friends , nothing happend , around 4 people remembered my bday and the others just send me some happy bday messages after seeing posts from the girl i m talking about .also heres a good song to listen to while reading stuff on reddit Sorrow from FSN by MN64 cant post links from what i understandgonna stop here for now might edit later -Tuesday 3/11/2020 15:15thing is reddit is not the right place to get help and i need a friend but it seems i cant get any from my friends , even my other friend the guy i used to sit with in all middle-high school he has drifted apart , talking more with other of his friends doing other stuff etc , that one time i needed to talk to him he said i ll call you in a while , waitied 1 and a half hour then asked him why he didnt call he said he forgot (i think) , feelsbadmananyway i dont think i m gonna keep editing this i ranted enough , gonna leave the post up for a day or so in case anyone wants to add anything then taking it down -Tuesday 3/11/2020 23:58

[rainbowdoom32]

So I'm going to start identifying myself as aspec. Previously I identified as a bisexual aromantic but upon furthur consideration I might be asexual.

I'm posting about this b/c 1) it puts it out there and makes the lable feel more real and tangible

2) I know some of y'all IRL or on a personal enough basis that I feel you should know

3) A queers need more visibilty in gen

4) cause I want to talk abouy it

So Idk how to do a read more and am on mobile so if you dont want to hear about what being aspec means to me start scrolling now

So. In the aspec community (do we have a better word?) theres an overwhelming discourse about sexual and romantic repulsion. For those of you who dont know thats when the idea of sex , sexual content, sex itself, the idea of romance, romantic gestures, and/or romantic content acts as a squick for you it creates some spectrum of a revulsion in you to be confronted with one or more of these things. Its an overwhelming discourse for many reasons but the one I want to talk about is that it makes it obvious that your ace or aro if your repulsed by sex or romance. The process for discovering your aspec identity is easier in a way, specifically in a way it isnt for me.

See I dont experience sexual or romantic repulsion. I like romance stories and porn. I actively seek these things out. I'm not put off by discussions of others romantic or sexual lives (specific aspects may repulse me but in general I'm interested in these especially when coming from people I care about). So naturally as a teenager I never considered myself as aspec. i considered myself bisexual almost immediatly (there was a thing where I thought I was tricking myself into thinking I liked women to be included in the queer community. More on that later) it took two very short very middle school esque (one took place my sophmore year) relationships and an accidental internet encounter with the concept of aromantisim for me to realise that the reason this wasnt working for me was because I didnt really want it.

The more I thought of myself as aro the more things made sense. At the slumber parties as a kid I never had a crush to confess. Those two failed relationshios? Guy friends I'd gotten real close to and thought my new stronger friendship feelings must be what romantic attraction feels like. Also the real sticker, I dont get jealousy in romance at all. Like that one goes over my head. I dont understand why cheating is the worst thing someone can do in a relationship to the point that people who've been sucked into a cycle of abuse and have become convinced everything is their fault will snap when they discover they were cheated on. That is absolutly mind boggling for me.

The point of that is I never got that ew ick romance feeling. As a reult the road to discovering I was aromantic was long and and full of doubt. Doubt that went along the lines of "Maybe I just havent found the right person". Which also happens to be the exact thing my mum says to me everytime I try to explain that Im aromantic to her. Bisexuality she understands and accepts. This she doesnt. So even though I know intellectually theres no right person for me that niggling doubt remains andit haunts me.

Now im going to devolve a bit here and I know what this sounds like but im seriously not trying to be offensive just explain something

See I read a fanfic recently. I dont remeber how I found it but it was a Stony fic and the story and the set up were very romantic cliche. Basically Steve was Tony's booty call it evolves to friends with benefits Steve falls in love. Textbook stuff. But see theres a wrench because the author identifies as aromantic is with the definition we have aromantic. They write their identity onto Tony. Thats something we do in fanfic and in writing. But the problem I ran into is this: the author identifies as aromantic because they experience romantic repulsion(yes they told me this) so in the fic Tony is in love with Steve but experiences romantic repulsion. The idea of romance of romantic commitment makes him anxious and sick. This is how the author feels FWB allows them to experience intimacy without triggering their repulsion. Identifying as atomantic makes them feel not broken. This so good right? This is why we have labels

Except. When I read this part of the story it hurt me. Directly. See Tong Stark has Daddy Issues. Ehen the author wrote about Tony's romantic repulsion narritevly they tied it into Tony's not nice childhood. I dont know specifically why it wasnt part of thwir explanation when I told them their story hurt me. I didnt ask. But this narritive decision made what was essentially was an author expressing their experience as an aromantic in a story feel like a personal attack against my aromantic identity.

See when I read that what I read was "Tony Stark cant commit to an actual relationship with Steve Rogers because Howard Starks Grade A parenting fucked up his ability to recieve expressions of love and his ability to commit. Tony Stark is in romantic love with Steve Rogers but his childhood trauma prevents him from expresing it in the traditional manner this is what being aromantic is"

That hurt. Because it hit that little doubt in my head about not having met the "right person" and mixed it up with some childhood trauma made you a broken person. It also hit me while I felt safe. Romance stories are my escapism. Their like an extra element of fantasy in a story for me. I specifically seek out romantic stories as a comforting mechanism. Fanfics in particular because of their inclusivity. I was in my safe space, and I was whammed in a sore spot.

The problem is though the author has a right to that story and that label and to express themselves. We usually draw the line at self expression where it hurts other people but thats not what happened here. What happened here was definitial confusion. The author and I were using "aromantic" to describe two different but similar romantic orientations. In doing so we hurt each other ironically in the same way. We both said to each other "Your identity is wrong and toxic you hurt people and yourself by expressing it the way you do". (I left a comment saying how her story affected me)

When I say I'm aromantic I mean I experience no romantic feelings. None nada zilch. The idea that I might one day experience a type of romantic feeling is an aggression against me. The same way the idea that gay people can choose to be straight is an aggression against being gay.

But I can't invalidate someone else to protect myself. What do I do? I dont want to hurt myself and I dont want to hurt other people? Idk

And now to why I no longer identify as bisexual.

I'm a virgin. Because most peoples first time is with someone their in a romantic relationship with. And we'll I dont do that. Im also a socially anxious person. I have no idea how to instogate a sexual encounter and honeslty I wouldnt feel comftorable dping it with someone I couldnt trust or alternatively someone I'm friends with and would have to continue being juat friends with in post we had sex awkwardness. So ive never had an opportunity to have sex.

But I also havent sought them out. And I dont feel particularly driven to. These are reasons to think your asexual but I'm sure it's also the experience of many introverted and secually awkawrd people. And it's not like I couldnt have sex at some future point. Even now if an opportunity arose I might say yes, of only to confirm my asexuality.

The thing that has made me actually consider if I'm ace tho is a weird quirk of mine. I cant get off to prom videos. I use lit erotica. Why? Cause the idea that those are real live people puts me off. Porn stars and amateur porn makers know people get off watching their videos. Theyre okay with that. But I'm not. At all. Thats a big ol nope for me.

See I'm a ciswoman. Which means I have a clitoris. An organ whose only purpose is to provide pleasure. As everyone knows reciving pleasure via the clit requires no participation by a second person. The fact that my clitiros functions as intended and that I use it isnt sexual attraction.

Thats a new idea for me. But it's true isnt it? Sexual attraction is about other people. And sure I can appreciate other people's hotness. But just because I think a horse is pretty doesnt mean I want to fuck it. Remeber that thing about thinking I was faking bisexuality?? I was right. I wasnt sexually attracted to women. But what I hadnt bothered to consider because of heteronormativity was that I wasnt sexually attracted to men either.

Other fun fact in case you might be an ace person who's read this far (why? Also hi Katie and possibly Sadie but definelty Nishat. No im not implying any of you are ace) I dont have sex dreams. But I do have dreams in which I masturbate. So stick that jn your pipe and smoke it.

Anyways these are all experinces that I have that I feel neccessry to share to make it so the repulsion story isnt the only one out there. And also to start a discourse about how experiencing and not experiencing repulsion affect aspec experience. Thanks for reading!

[scourgefrontiers]

gonna ramble a bit abt stuff! mostly comics and projects and such

so as yall know i recently completed my dbz fan project, mirrors!  well i had planned for it to be completely a comic, but it ended up going from comic to visual novel to written story with pics to just a straight up fic without pics (besides cover pages), which wasnt my original vision, but im happy to at least have gotten the story out there to people :)

having said this ive noticed a trend with my big projects--i go into them at full speed, slow down around the middle, then hurry and cut way too many corners at the end just to get them done bc i kinda lose interest...this happened with doppelganger and mirrors both, and im afraid it might happen to villain + school, facets, and the other projects as well

this has led me to wonder if i actually...like doing comics as much as i thought i did???  like.  sure i enjoy the feeling of completing a page or even a chapter and seeing all the finished pages in the folder, but like. the process is so draining :( idk if the effort and time ends up being worth it in the end..well ok maybe thats not even it, i think the effort and time is worth it to see people enjoying my work, but like idk if i have the energy to do it i think? which sucks bc i have a LOT of projects id like to turn into comics

however i will say that ive recently gotten an opportunity for a job..like a BIG job......i wont say what it is unless i get it BUT anyways, if i get the job then i’ll have significantly less time and energy both to do my personal projects i feel like. either that or i’ll have more motivation to do them bc theyre not work lmfao. but i wont know for sure until it happens yknow?

but ya like. idk. just thinking about starting the hell comic that is facets is making me feel overwhelmed..mirrors took so long and would have taken even longer at the pace i was going at if i hadnt switched to text, and i do want facets to be a full comic all the way through bc i have visions, and i want my other stories to be comics too but im like. ugh. idk what i really want at this point.  like i asked before do i really enjoy making comics as much as i thought ???? i dont Know

maybe im worried about running out of time in life which is a morbid and sad thing to think about but yknow idk. i feel like life is a lot shorter than it actually is so i cant finish all that i want to finish (i probably can it just doesnt..feel that way).  its weird idk

anyways. this was my ramble it had no point

[s-t-u-p-o-r]

My Imaginary Friend

27/06/2019

Dear Splinter,

Idk, dude. I'm kinda upset. I have that horrible feeling in my stomach- all sickly and shit- and I just wanna cry. I guess I just miss a lot of people right now. 3 people to be precise and I bet you can name them all. H, mainly, of course. I feel so far away from her, metaphorically. She's so caught up with her job and her life, I feel like I just don't fit in there. She doesn't have time for me because she's always busy doing other things. And that's fine because I have things to do to. It's just that I miss her but she doesn't miss me. I wanna talk to her but she doesn't wanna talk to me. I wanna tell her all these things when we message but she doesn't wanna do the same and she's just not interested in what I have to say anyway. My mind is like "j would reply" (he wouldn't) and I think because I miss H so much it's making me miss him too. (And U just a teeny tiny bit). Why do I miss people who hurt me? Why do I miss people who I would drop everything for but they wouldn't even reply? People who are too busy for me. Why do I care so fucking much? Why am I so damn clingy? I just feel like a burden even though I try so hard not to be. People just don't have time for me and won't make time for me and I have to not be emotional over that. Well, not people. Just people who I used to/still care about the most.

I cried over J yesterday which was so pathetic. I don't even wanna type the things I was thinking because they're fucking dumb. I'm dumb for even thinking about him but I just think it's because I feel so far away from H it's like I'm not even in a relationship with her. Like we're not even friends. We're just acquintances who met online. Times like this I want J to message me so bad. Because I can't message him because of H, but if he messaged me it wouldn't be as bad. But I know it's wrong.

I was with D yesterday and her boyfriend just called her randomly just to tell her he loved her. It made me smile and I realised that all H and I talked about was how she was so stressed at work and hated her job. We hadnt been cute or nice in ages. I guess I just want the same amount of love that I'm giving out, back. But I'm not really getting that recently. Maybe I love too hard.

I feel a little heartbroken I guess. And I miss you a lot. I guess that's 4 people I miss but tbh I don't miss U that much. He just hurt me. So yeah, 3. I need to accept that I'm never gonna know how J is or anything about what he's doing etc. He's gone and that's that. U's gone and that's that. You're gone. But H isn't but I'm scared that soon she will be because everyone that I care about that much goes away. Even you. If this was old me with H, we'd be over. If I was new me with J we'd still be together. It's weird man.

I'm just upset Splinter and most of it is irrational. I guess I just hate being on my own. And I hate having these thoughts. Because I deserved better than J and rn, I deserve better than H. But H usually treats me so well and she's so caring and loving and way better than J. If she knew that all of this was in my head she'd be so hurt. I'm just upset and want to talk to the people I care(d) about most: you, J and H. I miss you, Splinter, but you've been dead for 3 years. Why can I never let go?

Love,

Z

[spaceslouie]

1. I just recently following your blog. And I find that we have same opinion for the most part, or from your tags anyway. This by no means that you’d agree with me but can I share my opinion with you. Like I think that so many people have been too critical about his solo works. We really dont know anything. I feel like, Louis have been so appreciative about the opportunity he got, but it looks like we as fan cant even give him a chance. What if he make do with what he got. What if all this was..

2. the only thing on his hand. He said it himself, limited people to work with. Like, maybe the 5 of them dont get the same offers? I dont find it weird that H got the amount of support he got, and Louis got minimum exposure. If we can see it in a professional way, the party that did the offering have their reasons. Sometimes you dont get what you want no matter how hard you work for it. Its reality. That doesnt mean Louis dont deserve it. And people tend to forget, what you find rewarding could

3. be different from others. We want the best for him, and thats just it.. Why does it needs to be by the other 1D guys standard. I’m really emotional talking about Louis. Like, I want to respect what he do. I dont know the struggle he faced. This is the guy who hates their merch, their early music. I feel like the fandom so quick to talk but rarely listen. I dont claimed to know him, but I feel that Hes grateful for this opportunity. And I take my cue from him for the life HE live. thankyou :)

wow i . . got an ask! sorry it took me a while to answer this babe (depending on when u sent it) i dont come on this blog alot, i kinda just made a tumblr as an outlet for my thoughts and frustrations and to have a place to talk about louis lol

anyways i think we do have pretty similar feelings about the way things are going - mostly mine are just summed up by ‘idk what to think but i love louis and his music’ lol 

To be real tho, i’ve been a 1D fan since i was 12, in 2011, and i was a larrie from like 2012 to pretty much a few months ago (not that im an ‘anti’ now or anything, i just dont kno what to think). For most of my time as a 1D fan (and especially a larrie) the culture w/ us has been, for better or worse, to hyper-analyze and doubt (for lack of better words) everything we’re given and told. Tbh, since i changed my perspective a few months ago (mostly bc of solo!harry), ive pretty much just been constantly reevaluating everything ive known for the past 5/6 years and i really just have pretty much NO idea what to think, whatsoever. 

When it comes to solo!louis, ive just been trying to take it as it comes. key word is trying, bc 5/6 years of having a rock-solid idea of the “”truth”” (our ideas about the boys, management, their relationships, etc) is alot to overcome when u try to be objective. 

When u say that ppl have been too critical of louis and his stuff, im not really sure which ppl u mean or if u just mean in general - ive definitely seen some ppl who seem to be critical just for the sake of it, or bc they actually dont like louis, which, ya, thats definitely too critical. But for some of the ppl being critical, it seems like theyre coming from the same place i was before i changed my perspective - if i hadnt been so put-off by solo!harry, i probly would still be just as dedicated to the fandom “”truth”” and i would be critical of solo!louis like i was/we were of everything else. 

Basically, at this point, i think its just habit for alot of ppl to be critical and cynical. Or, even more, its generally more comfortable (especially when weve been telling ourselves for 5+ years that we know the “truth”) to be critical (in an all-knowing way like when ppl say “those stunts are so transparent” or something) than to admit that theres alot we dont kno. Or to admit that louis hasnt had the opportunities we thought he would have/we think he deserves, and theres not really anything to do about it.

Are they right to be critical? I honestly totally dont kno. But basically im done being critical just bc other ppl are - if something strikes me as wrong and worth being critical of, right off the bat, then ill criticize it. But if everything seems ok to me and i have no reservations and i see someone else complaining and making a big deal about it, i guess thats how i decide when someone is being too critical. Thats when it seems to me like theyre being critical just for the sake of it or bc thats what theyre used to. I think its important in our culture (1D fan/louie culture), at least for me in the place im in now, to just trust ur own instinct instead of looking to others to see if things are good or not.

At first i was a little confused by ur ask(s) bc it seems a little contradictory - u talk about how louis didnt get the best opportunities, and then u say ppl are being too critical. But i think i understand (maybe im projecting tho, bc this is how i feel about it). I think what i (and u, if im understanding ur ask rite) am feeling is that ppl want to place blame - we all want the best for louis, and we’re upset that it doesnt seem that he got it. We all love and appreciate louis, so it can be hard to see how other ppl wouldnt and how he wouldnt get all the opportunities we think he deserves. So we go off on his team, simon cowell, his record label, the other boys, etc., and we criticize them and everything louis puts out bc its through them/connected to them. 

But it really all comes down to the fact that regardless of what we think louis deserves, we all know that what he gets probly wont match up to that. Youre rite, he literally said that he didnt get that many opportunities, and we have to accept that. No matter how much we love and admire him, we have to realize that for various reasons the rest of the world doesnt (at least not yet). He wasnt the most famous member of 1D, or the one pushed as the most talented, and the fact that he has a unique voice makes him kindof an acquired taste. 

We have to realize that he is, like u said, doing the best w what hes got. We dont have the power to give him more, so from my perspective im just enjoying what we get and supporting it in every way i possibly can. Bc thats what being a fan is about - enjoying what u get, and supporting it so u continue to get it. We can wish he had more opportunities available, and even ask for what we want from him in polite and lighthearted ways - like tweeting him about his album, or nominating him for awards (like teen choice and stuff), or posting/tweeting about how we wish we had a video/photoshoot/etc as long as its nice and not demanding. But ya basically we are not in a position to give him opportunities so our only job (if we want it, which, being a louie, i do) is to support what he puts out. 

You said: “Like, maybe the 5 of them dont get the same offers? I dont find it weird that H got the amount of support he got, and Louis got minimum exposure. If we can see it in a professional way, the party that did the offering have their reasons. Sometimes you dont get what you want no matter how hard you work for it.” Basically, i totally agree w this and i think its totally ok to just enjoy what we get from louis w/o constantly worrying about how were getting it/what we ‘should’ be getting.

I am frustrated, and always have been, that louis doesnt get what the other boys do, but thats just the way it is. We have to accept that there isnt always someone to blame - for various reasons, louis has had less opportunities than the other boys, and theres nothing we can do about it. I would even go as far to say its not necesarily an injustice - like u said, he isnt the other boys, so we cant expect him to have the same situation as them. All we can do is support him and his music as much as we can/want to. 

anyway im SO sorry for turning this ask into a literal essay, i guess i had a lot to say and honestly im not sure how much of it is coherent or even on topic, it took me like an actual hour to write this all out and when i reread it… it didnt make as much sense as it did in my head lol. anyway i do think we hav some similar feelings and stuff and i really apreciate hearing ur thoughts! I hope we both get to enjoy bty (im so fuckin excited!!! from the teasers hes shared already its gonna be SO GOOD!!!) and i hope more good things happen for louis! tysm for sharing ur thoughts w me! 💙